PunsT3R

Sorrow

2011-10-27T07:53:00.000+07:00

yup just that bad

Not sure what to make of myself when you lost a lot of precious things in life. It feels a lot like I will lose my mind. After losing my grandma I don't think I feel the same about life or the rest of it ever again. What is more painful is that I will never have that memory back again. Kind of like those frames that you never took in the photos or the sound that you never recorded in the studio. After this month's devastation by Thailand's worst flood in my lifetime I just realize that all of that memories are, well just like the current, passed away. Lost numerous relatives, family members, and countless others in the flood. Even though not the lives were lost directly, at least the livelihoods were gone. What would you feel when those around your childhood were just... gone...

Sky Blue Sky

2011-08-27T22:21:00.000+07:00

After 5 weeks back in Australia seems like maybe the excitement wears off, workload starts to pile up, and the bluer the weather the bluer I am. Maybe I just had a week off gym, maybe I start slacking off at uni.

And for whatever reason I find myself looking at those lovely blue sky and wonder what the heck is this all about?

Let's get it together again! You are too old to be wondering up this pile of crap!

Melbourne, Australia

2011-07-31T20:02:00.000+07:00

Here we are again. Thursday 21 July 2011 marks my return to Australia.
So friggin' glad I am back.

Franklin Street Station

The Show Goes On!

2011-06-20T06:25:00.000+07:00

Just a little toast to myself on getting back to this blog, walk on :)

Whoa...

2011-06-20T05:59:00.001+07:00

I was doing some house-cleaning today and clean-install my old PC in BKK condo so just import all my favs in Firefox to backup and get ready for formatting the drive. And heck I was looking at some of the favs and check out some of the sites that I have not been to in a while and just went there and cancelled membership/subscriptions which there were quite a lot. Until I came to this blog. For a moment of madness there I was thinking of getting rid of this blog entirely since I am not even blogging on regular basis. Then common sense kicked in, just in time, and it said to me 'don't even fucking do it'... so that's that the blog is still here :)

My beautiful hometown Songkhla

I disappeared out of the face of the earth for a while. I just lost my dearly, beloved grandma. I was disappointed with myself in my last job. I guess I had that fresh-out-of-uni period coming back to me again. But I was at home in Songkhla and it was good to refresh and recharge again.Also good news is I'm going back to Australia for my Masters, although in Melbourne not Sydney.

I'll slowly fill this space up again. Damn I glad I didn't delete this. WTF was I thinking...

Ordinary Joe

2010-08-16T22:20:00.003+07:00

My... just because I left BKK to SG last March 2010 I seem to forgot that this part of my life still exist - my beloved blog, that is... But yeh that is what relocation can do to you... especially when you are connecting with the city you had just left... physically and mentally...

2010... yeh!! Hey it's like saying happy birthday to someone 8-months-too-late... In which you just standing there with sly smile and drunken face... oh shit it's been THAT long already! LOL... And, well, no, it had been that long. In the amount of 2 and a half years here in BKK - the city of angels and sinners - in all honesty, I fell in love with it. There are several reasons why:

1) drinks are cheap

2) nightlife - if you have the right connections - can get you into either stupendously in heaven (FHM GND event...) - or burning hell (jail in Rama 9)... Well, I avoided the latter....

3) friends and connections - ummm... you know what I am talking about...

Those who can listen to your problems without suggesting another drinks... No, I do not want to forget about it. I want to know how do you deal with it...

4)I.just.love.this.city - Before I return to my first love - Sydney - BKK you oughtta show how much you can potentially be...

So much shame that I did not keep my most memorable pictures in softcopies... Believe me that Sydney is where I would rest my life in peace... But really BKK I have always enjoyed every lil bit of you... Shout out to you there: Poj, Fai, Kwang, Meiko, Krit, Ong, SD team, 7th Heaven...

Hey... see ya all some day... but first lemme get back to Sydney...

Months of Many Things

2009-06-03T02:52:00.018+07:00

Japan!!!

2009-03-11T01:53:00.012+07:00

Wow it's been so long since I last wrote! I know I have been slacking off this blog a bit but work do caught up with me and my life got so much going on that it's been hard to keep things in order. But to the point I had had a trip of lifetime - one of the dream trip - that had been cooking up since high school and all the way through uni life. That trip is Japan. So here's the compile write-ups that I had been doing since we left Bangkok to Tokyo!

Nice weather... for a polar bear!!
Glorious Japan with 5 degrees days... been -> Tokyo-Edo Museum (Ryogoku station), Asakusa temple, and Akihabara... cant find that sex shop though!! Today is sunny clear blue sky so we gonna hit Shijuku and all the way to Roppongi, hopefully!!!
B odies in the wa y...
yeh Shinjuku station was big... Time Square Shopping Centre is even bigger(14 floors all up)! Okay walkin miles and miles to Shinbuya and accidentally walk into Meiji Shrine and damn it was good throwback... Harajuku was well full of f!"#$kin pple and I wanna be somewhere else completely... Walk all the way to Shibuya and greeted with... more pple!!! Getting our way around to Roppongi via some railway lines (fuck it was crazy there!) Found a few drinking holes and make our way back to Ikebukuro... play darts... back at hotel - and drinkin sake lol!
My boys Masata and Shingo you didnt answer the phones!!! Whrere the heck are you guys!!!???
My body is broken...
Goddamn didnt think sake can do so much damage!! oh well wake up like midday and decide that we gonna go Tokyo Tower today... so start off at Hamamatsucho and walkin up the hill to the temple (of which name i cannot remember) and off to the Station... the line is 1hr long so we keep on going and walking towards Hibiya and the Imperial Palace beyond... unfortunately we can only see the thing from the outside... no worries we start off towards Ginza, walkin through Tokyo International Convention Centre, Yarakucho and Shimbashi... my man all the shops and the neon lights!! Once at Shimbashi we got onto Odaiba-kaihinkoen station - off to the Rainbow Bridge!! We must have walked miles and miles... Sega World place, mini Statue of Liberty, Palette City... yeh my legs was on the way out... but damn i was a happy tourist!!! Finally home and a few beers down getting ready for Hakuba tmr!!!

Gimme that frosty, flaky , flu ffy stuff!!!
After a good night sleep, the boys are up early at 7am, well its goodbye Tokyo!! Draggin all our stuffs to Shibuya Station in the rush hour is not a lot of fun... Feel like a canned fish you could say... anyway it was cold and it was raining and it was miserable and we wait at Keio bus station with our minds elsewhere... After 3 rice balls and gettin on the bus at 9am towards Hakuba, well, i slept lol - waking up after about 3 hrs into the ride and greeted with countryside Japan!! All the farms and the industrial area and the mountains and the streams... AND THE SNOW!!! about 230pm we got off and eventually find our way to K-House, our residence (after a few disagreements on which direction to take)...
This is probably the prettiest valley for skiing that i have ever seen... it is also so serene and immaculate with pine trees and little quaint japanese house and the place we are staying is impressive (way better than we had in Tokyo)... just really... wow
And for tonight we open our act with out session at night skiing... unfortunately there will be not much photos but definitely lots of pain and cramps... This is back to basics Snowboarding 101..lots of fun and lots of snow!! I am in pain and downing the 1L Asahi can... Early tomorrow for some deep deep powder!!

Morning the w hite stuff!
Basically it was hailing down with that Gods beautiful creation since we wake up, my man it was snowing big time! As suspected our muscle is protesting in pain... calf, quad, groin, back, abs... We hit the slope pretty late so it got pretty bumpy when we ride our lift up... After the warm up in the green run (the easiest) we hit our first red (blue equivalent - intermediate) and run into some major moguls... Stack time!!! After a while my toes are freezin over and i start to lose my toes turn - a major disaster if you are on snowboard - its like driving a car and you cannot turn right... neway i had my fun run thru the forest so i got this tight turn going and start to properly carve... One of my fall is so painful since i landed front-side and hit my head to the ground... got a few stars would be a correct assessment... neway by that time i got a few beers in my system so no surprise im losing my balance... We start at Hakuba Goryu and end up at the other side in Hakuba 47 and we caught the shuttle bus back and after tobogganin down the hill to K House, our residence, I finally take off the bothersome boots and wet gears (it was raining by then), went to cain some curry and beers... and im ready for bed...
Full Monty at the Onsen!!
I gotta admit that taking on the steep hills are taking its tolls on the bodies of the couples of old hags... so when we wake up and greeted with rain today... RAIN!... yeh i went back to sleep with lil excitement to on (rain = cold & icy & just plain sux) with the exception of Duncan who must have taken pills of adrenaline to wake up 630am... after 9am we all look and decide that yeh its crap so we hang around the place and research stuffs we wanna do... after getting feedback from fellow skiiers who went up in the morning - that it was sloshy and slushy fest up there we took our time to go to the Onsen (hot spring) down the road... Its all clothes off!! My man the water gotta be like 70plus degrees or something and when the temp outside is merely 1 degree I got a major rush of blood to the head... After good 30 min i was outta there and feel like i drank 10 shots of whiskey... thx god for the food and the beer that was so good (horse sashimi recommended)... tomorrow for a full day at different mountain - Happo!! Early night tonight!!
Frozen toes...
As if the hills of Hakuba Goryu and 47 are not challenging enough for us we foolishly aim for the neighbour mountain Happo... so we headed up early to the new slopes via train 2 stations down and this jap dude giving us a lift there - what a champ!... at 830ish we got there at Happo and first look was like wow mother of lord... those are some steep hills up there... that is not generally causes excitement amongst us since: it rained last night = iciness, we can see bumps already = moguls, and we are already battered and bruises = less control... I was preparing for the day of what is to be generally traversing down those goddamn hills!! So at the lift we headed up to the almost top of the mountain and start our first run down and greeted with what we hate most... yes, steep, mogully hills... the first run took us a good 40 min and by the time we are at the base again my toes are already frozen over and im sweating like im in a damn onsen... but there aint no stopping!! duncan left to meet his friend and up we go again and greeted with the snowboard park!! from my own experience that is a lot of fun... until you stack the first jump!! so i leave kent there to try to crack his head open and headed down on the slopey tight turns until lunch... i fell asleep after lunch lol briefly... after kent doing a few more turn at the park and me carving down the mountain we had had enough...(about 3pm by then) so we navigating back to the base... by now both of our heel and toe turns feel like a drunken driver behind wheels and to make it worse we lose our way and hit an even steeper slope, the aptly named Panorama run - well we cant see shit 5 metres in front of us (thx to the fog that mysteriously appeared when we got there)!! so as we go down with zero visibility, iciness level of a diamond, and 60 degree descent i feel like i should have taken travel insurance more seriously... 4pm: down at the bar and thx god we made it in one piece!! Heading back to Goryu we all nodded in agreement that today is more torturing than fun... i was out like a light when we got back to the hotel... (oh n wake up to write this note of course) Lesson learned!!
Last night in snow and Tokyo...
A week fly by so fast its ridiculous... the place didnt seem to want us to ever leave so it hit us with the big snow today... we get on the slope at Hakuba 47 for some serious filming session at the snowboard park!!! Footage will come later but i must say that it is one of the best fun i had in any snowboard park... without a doubt best day we had!! So that night we went had our good meal (i had had instant noodles 3 times a day for 5 days straight already...) at this place called Canadatei... yeh got plastered there after beers and oolongshu... come back to K House and smokin some Havana cigars sipping Frangelico... ah life was never better!!!
Next day we struggle to get the bus back to Tokyo and we check back in to our hotel... at this point Masato, my good mate, joined us from Osaka... we had our best meal consisting of sashimi omakase, and whale steak!!! The japanese 'scientific research' sure does taste good!! Few more beers down and we hit Shibuya~ Asami joined us from her work and we head to another restaurant (something aqua...) and we did major damage to our livers - whiskeys, shochus, beers... Masato passed out at one point lol and we were not much better... after that we went to Underground House Club and i foolishly bought everyone another shot of tequila - big mistake!! It became blurry after that... Masato and I lost everyone... Duncan got separated... Kent then lost Asami... (i know all of this the morning after of course)... Masato and I just go fuck this and hit another club - techno music, err - but by that stage we were too smashed to give a rat's ass (must have been 3am by then)... I do not know how long we were there for, or who was there (it was packed though), or what time they close... only thing i know is we were caining down vodka and red bulls - the only thing that kept us alive i think... bobbing our heads away in the night and we got back at 7am... Kent and Duncan were already in bed... Masato said goodbye and set off to Osaka (hope you made it man!)... At 11am i left the boys and said goodbye... My man, cannot believe it's done... Its been the best time and enjoying it with best mates, in beautiful (yet slightly crazy) country, friendly people, amazing place, and bountiful drinks!!
Kanpai!!!!
Peace out players til next time!!!
...

Truth be told it felt too short since there are many places I have not been and many people I did not catch up with (whether they want to catch up with or not that's another story...) Eventually I left Japan a bit unsatisfied but nevertheless happy. God I wish to go back there and see it more!!

I won't marry until...

2008-11-27T00:06:00.002+07:00

I travel Europe...
I climb Kilimanjaro (and that whole 'Dark' Continent - Africa)...
I do the 'Carnivale'
I do all BASE jump...
I go to South Pole...
I fly/sail around the world...
... err or bike it around the world...
I have a real Absinth...
I have been a monk...
I smoke that cocaine...
I shake hand with an important figure in the history...
I have a fuku fish...
I have THAT real Mongol dish... (bull's testicles if you wonder...)
I drive Bugetti Veyron...
I listen to all 2PAC songs...
I collect all the musical classics from each era...
I can cook...
I can do Hawaiian's Iron Man Challenge...
I make my money earns more than I can...
I make a good husband/father/friends...
I am ready...
...
Isn't that too much to ask for??? (did I mention sleeping with beautiful, twin, and blond Swedish ladies? oh... must have not been important lol)

Well lads what do you think? lol

It's awesome... kinda...

2008-10-15T00:19:00.004+07:00

Half a year that just went 'swoosh', and damn it kinda sux that it just went so fast (when you are busy off your head). Yeh, yeh, I know I supposed to write every month... yeh I promise to, too. Just the fact of life is (I sound like a friggin philosopher) I am busy... No bullshit. I really think the new job for me at Standard Chartered Bank is quite goddamn demanding... I'll tell you why...

Well let's start with the position - MT - Management Trainee - which well teaches you to be manager... They demand the highest possible outcome from you (ask anyone from HSBC or Citibank they will tell you the same story, if not worse). So not only your workload is up to the throat, but the 'other' work is also up there as well (CSR - Crappy Silly responsibility... No, really, Corporate Social Responsibility). So we run some stuff that makes our brand looks, well, damn good!!

I am officially glad that our company is the 'leading foundation of the CSR model' and got highly praised for the stuffs we did (HIV, Eyesight, Computer literation, etc...). I think I had so much fun at it I forgot I was working!! In fact I think it is the reason I am HAPPY... Now, then, there was also the fact that we also have our main stuffs to do (mainly work in general...). So, what's the beef you say?

I am a perfectionist. And well when you multi-task you ain't a perfectionist per se. You're just a bum who cannot handle the crap as best as one can. Now yeh it is a hard judgement, and yes I would love to do my job properly. The thing is how can you if you have three million things begging to be done in 3 hours? We suppose to work in parallel but who can do it perfectly?

Yes, no one. But I am worried. Worry enough to lose shitload of sleep over it. I want to perform and show some result (which is my downfall as I would explain later on), and I want to push the organisation to realise its limit. But this is really a dream and it potentially is just a cloud in the sky...

For some weird reason, as I want to show result (which is THE reason), I show work-in-progress to my Big Boss... Guess what, he was PISSED. There are shit that are supposed to be finished and they weren't. Now, consequently, my boss got the shit, my line manager got the shit, and yeh I got the biggest shit. Okay, they didn't make me feel like it but really lookin at it I KNOW I've done them wrong and they were absolutely annoyed (an absolute understatement...) with me... Oh well they are not saying it... The action just said it all.

Now it's all the lessons learned. I just well want to get it out off my chest somewhere. I just know by the fact that I cannot just take it easy anymore. I cannot afford to lose anytime anymore. I cannot lose the trust of so many people and losing so many credit... For my parent has already warned me 'It takes forever to build up credit, and a minute to lose it so'. I guess I am the kinda person who has to fuck it up first to realize...

"It's like rain, on your wedding day
It's a free ride, when you're already late
It's a good advice, that you just didn't take
And who would've thought it, figure"
Alanis Morissette

Fuck it 'those who care don't matter, those who matter don't care'... So PEACE!!!

New life, new way...

2008-08-09T02:06:00.005+07:00

Well it's been a while that i get to type something to this blog... Apology to all that read... What more can i say i just living it here in BKK hahaha
My job got kind of demanding - more precisely it just requires multi-tasking; something im just not good at! Believe me when i say that i wanna update this as much as possible!!

Got friends from USYD visiting and then from Czech from my old working place KJ, which was real nice! Man miss ya all from those days (Pavel cheers to the days in Trumps Tavern, Sharkys, Scruffys, THE STEYNE!!, etc...). Just lucky trying to get Azn girl in Czech!!

Sadly my home town got bombed like well 7 times (Songkhla, Hat yai... google it fellas) - all simultaneously. And one of the bomb just went off 10m from my house... Well just imagine... I was worried as hell about my family and relatives. Seriously they got some guts and some non-sense in them!

This blog is, so far, like a popcorn movie; just dont give a lot of info on the important stuffs. Lots of shooting and not much dialogue. I must say it is the lack of my writing skill that is the main attribute causing this hehehe...

Lemme update some things...

In Standard Chartered Bank, where I work, they are arranging rotation that just put you through every department to learn... well, some stuffs... It's been about 2 months and well despite what everyone said to get the most out of the rotation i was totally fed up and i wanna do my own project... Guess what? I got one!! Big mofo one...

So what the hell? Ok I just work and work... I got no time for something or someone that I care about. I just got the dont-push-me-or-I-will-snap kind of mood... Okay i got good job and i got new GF... check FB (or ask Kent). All is good!

But since when i been here in BKK i just know one thing: everyone wants to get out of BKK - more precisely outta Thailand... My friends - be warned but BKK is just a s%&*thole... There are good things here but once you get it you better get out!!

Anyway... Kent visited me was the highlight of my dull gotta-stay-in-my-country life. I just know i gotta get back to you guys... Shun, Kent, Duncan, Anu, Hee-Yon (Jemma)... You know what; you just don't know what you got til what you got it's gone... It's just so true...

Something's... just missing!

2008-05-25T23:33:00.004+07:00

Well I cannot really complain much this past month...... UNITED!!!!!!
Okay for non-football fan (or soccer) it is a historic month for MANCHESTER UNITED for we did the doubles - English Premire League and the EUFA Champions League. These are just the most premium prizes we ever had since 1999 (our Triples yeh!). For us football fanatics we just go nuts about it!!

Or can I? I like the fact that I am becoming a bit of a Bangkok-ian. I start counting number in Thai (but I still keep my lil habit, like when telling pple my mobile number - 4-3-3 format please! - when everyone do the 3-3-4...). Yeh I'm gettin in touch with my root. Tradeoff-wise? Im losing my English....

I know I still got my 'immaculate' English. Thank you Mrs. West (my godparents you can say...) to remind me. I still lose a lot. I start to forget the simplest word and how to spell it. Minor point you say. Major point it is...

Well what can be blame. After all I am living in Thailand. You need to adapt right? I wish I was a bit younger. A bit easier to mold into shape. Heck, but is that who I really am?

Not to say that I hate it. I love this city. I love the challenge it presents. I love the fact that I gotta mix in. I love the fact that I am surrounded by absolutely great pple. Mate, I love it here.

But somewhere on the couch, somewhere in the quiet corner, somewhere alone, I still wish I am back. Home. Sydney. Nah not like I'm crying about it. No seriously it is worse.

Where can I run to the park and get the mates to play a few basketball game? Where can I drive and know my best friends just around the corner for a drink? Where can I be drunk and stupid, and steal naughty magazines from 7-11? Where can I hear the latest clubbing scenes going off? Where can I get the maddest Katsu? Where can i get the quirkiest characters to come out and dance during 7-shot tequilas session? Where can I go for my half-pipe snowboarding? Where can I go for the maddest restaurant around (Kobe Jones or Tetsuya or Guillium)?

Sydney! (Not to mention girls are great too hahaha)

Nuff notalgia here. BKK is just almost non-stop. Competition is way up there. Night life is just damn good. Shopping just unbelievable. Drinks are cheap (most important!).

So what the hell am I complaining about? Well for you to read about lol.

Oh just something's missing...

Blogger's block

2008-04-20T21:27:00.007+07:00

Normally I would write something here when I have things to write... In this case for last few months there were simply too many things happened and they were sort of all over the place for me and, as a naturally talentless organizer, I lost track hahaha.

So many objectives in life kinda get pushed around a lot now that I got more information and start to live life a bit. Umm I just got into the job and it's sucking a lot out of me and it's really disorientated. I'm trying to get fit again - or at least half decent - like the younger days. Occasionally I still live the wild side and let my hair down just to reward myself for hard work during the week. I met new people. I get to know the city. Yeh. It's new life.

I postpone my PR for Australia. I'm done begging for them to accept me. I am actually sick of it all. The thing is that I would be happy doing my job at Standard Chartered for few years and then see if I can get back there. I am aiming for masters (2010 start I think), which to be frankly honest would love not to do it in Australia. But my friends in Sydney I'll be back!! Only a matter of when...

Brilliant book "A Long Way Round" is inspiring me to plan my trip around the world - on a motorbike! Yup that is one long-term plan I would love to achieve. Saving it up a few years, then travelled from Thailand up to China, Mongolia, Russia. Make way to Europe through Poland, Czech Republic, Croatia, Italy, Germany, France, and cross the channel to England. Then it's onto America, down to Mexico, and all the way down through Equador, Brazil, Argentina, and Chile. Then jet it to Japan, Korea, China again and back home! Now that is one heck of a trip I would say!! I truly want to do it in 5 years but haha that is a plan anyway.

My bachelor pad is a mess. I got so many mismatch furniture that Elton John would be proud of. My kitchen is so small and smelly that makes fish market a heaven. I got girly stickers that mom decorated months before. My bedsheet is flower pattern. And all my relatives would stay over if they visit. Err private space? Not really available lol... Still I must say that I appreciate that I don't have to pay the rent - such a pain in the ass when you are paying someone else to be rich... This is kinda work in a way coz I won't lose money to rent but just have to put up with minor inconvenience (I think I complained way too much here...)

There was really nothing much else to say... I am going diving, if I can find my bloody license, in July, at Koh Chang (near Krabi). I got into local indoor soccer team just to keep the fitness (and awareness ready for all bets lol). I still need to decorate my workspace. An empty cubicle is a crappy cubicle! I went around to Vertigo Bar @ Banyan Tree in Bangkok - bloody brilliant!!

So day-to-day I am just trying to stay motivated, interested, and focused - in life and everything. Always amazed at people with high energy and enthusiasm. I don't know what it is about them but they always energize those around. Gotta learn to do that...

Enough blabbering for now I guess... a bit of pointless post hahaha

PS. Note to self: must write this blog more often (2 a month at least)...

My first cigarette...

2008-02-26T22:54:00.004+07:00

It was when I was 9 that I first had this native plant of America.

I remember quite vividly (or as vividly as a 9-year-old can remember) that first drag, the feeling, and the sickness that soon followed after. It was not quite the first time that I had smelt them - dad used to be a heavy smoker (as anyone in Thailand that lived through the 'cool' period where Hollywood stars used to light up like a chimney on the screen). The fact that he quitted when I turned 10 had probably nothing to do with how he caught me lighted up. After all I did not know what it was, what it can do to you, or why you had to smoke... apart from the fact that dad did it, and it was all right with everyone then, that I just took the initiative of rolling it up.

I would not say it was a real cigarette; it was rolled with newspaper, really badly, and shaped like a ice cream cone. Not to mention that the tobacco was not spread evenly, the damn thing was Marlboro Red... yeh the result was predictable (well not to me then!). The newspaper burned too quick, I probably sucked more chemicals than Chernobyls disaster, and I was caught - being sick and all could not hide the fact from watchful eyes of mom... yeh my parents must have had a hell of a time tried to figure that one out... Dad went cold turkey for a week; he did not work or hardly ate, and I barely talked to him during that period.

Still with the youthfulness comes foolishness. At 14 I had my second drag, with this Thai dude i used to hang out at school (TPHS that is). It was mild; I coughed up a lot and we all laughed. My body was not gearing up for that nicotine and it showed. Next few hours I got nausea, feeling like throwing up (and actually did, with nothing but air), and massive headache ensued. I would wonder later why did I even want to try it since my family (including my dad) condemned the damn thing like it was cannibalism. Sorry, I was a good kid, just not good at taking advices.

I did not touch ciggy for a long while (almost 3 years). I was doing the athlete things that normal teenagers should do - rugby, AFL, cricket, waterpolo, cross-country, and basketball. Yet there was that tighten up in the stomach after a meal, or the need to do something when stress, that reared itself with those situations. For that period I was focused yet feel totally chaotic. I did not think it was the nicotine, more like testosterone (hahaha recalled many 783 bus incidents...).

Then it changed at 16, first girlfriend with bad break up tended to give you the shit with life (suicidal thought for example). And that I found alcohol as my first retreat. Soon after the tolerant caught up and your body just demanded (or actually your mind most likely) some other potent stuffs to make you forget the pain. Then I picked cigarette up. It was not easy but I had advantage: Guram Guram. That is a sweet-tipped cigarette from Indonesia (no prize for guessing who got it for me...) and that was strong (20mg I recalled?) yet easy to smoke. The rest was almost a history; I smoked at school, at home, at work, even skipped school to have the drag - only for the fact that HSC was coming up and I should not screw it up that the habit kinda stopped (except the final HSC night where I got drunk and nearly burned the whole DY down... err that story is for another blog).

Cigarette was as on-and-off thing for me during the first year at uni (much like every girl that I came in contact with). So it was not a big deal to me, even when I am drinking. DUI charges were more on my mind back then than anything! I still played a lot of basketball which was also the contributing factor that I could not let cigarette hinder my fitness and let the team down. So I kept it to the absolute minimum. I swear never to have smoke a pack a day!

All that was gone in third year at uni. It was not cigarette alone but combination of alcohol and gambling that brought hell to my academic progress. I was not even up to do anything if I did not have ciggy in the morning, and I was in bad mood for going more than a few hours without one. I became totally dependent on the little hash. What was more was that I was looking for stronger thing to get me high - hence the weed that would be smoked a few times (hehe yeh I was bad).

At 24 I now only have a few menthol ciggy lying around. I am getting too old. I can no longer go for a run without getting beaten by my cousins. I can no longer smoke and not feel guilty. The world changed, the laws and rules cast us smokers as outsiders and disgusted with our behaviours; the eyes of the walker passed by told the story. In fact my appetise was getting uncontrollable when I try to quit and it just affected the rest of my life in general (skiiing trip being once where I cannot seem to do the usual tricks I used to pull).

I was smoking outside Star City near my old workplace and a lady came up to ask for spare change. I offered some ciggy along with a few dollar coins I had in the pocket; she took the dollars and reject the ciggys. "I'm not that stupid" she growled. I guessed she made the point.

Umm greatest commercial scam ever?! + bonus section

2008-02-16T22:54:00.016+07:00

Yes I am talking about the Valentine's Day where the lovers of all sizes and shapes went gaga over anything red or sweet (or both - I think lingerie is better though...) and when the economic woes are as relevant as Iraq War.

Saint Valentinus who indeed did good deeds by performing weddings after the Emperor Claudius the Cruel banned it, fell in love with jailer's blind daughter, and left the note for her in his cell before his execution - "From your Valentine", probably did more than what he hoped to achieve. The marketing brains picked up on it and damn we all fell for the trick! This is as great as, if not greater than, the De Beer's "Diamonds are forvever" jingle. Yes ladies the damn stone is a goddamn sham!!

The point is for any lover everyday should be as equivalent to Valentine's Day. It's almost irrelevant anyway where love always come with randomness - on-the-spot favour, sudden kiss, flowers for no reason. None of these were premeditated. It rather lends itself to all the singles out there to be aware that your friends have their hubby bubby who would show affections (when oblige to...) with material gifts. Now what's love gotta do with that?

Of course I got nothing on the the day... On a lighter note I'll list my top 10 Jap Idol (not in any order) I would like to spend my Valentine's Day with (or longer if they don't kick me out hehe). Here goes:

1. Kana Tsugihara

2. Yuuri Morishita

3. Sora Aoi (yeh I would like to try to keep out JAV star but damn she's too influential on everything!!!)

4. Reon Kadena

5. Leah Dizon

6. Jun Natsukawa

7. Aki Hoshino

8. Natsuki Yoshihara

9. Yukie Kawamura

10. Sayuki Matsumoto

The happiness of doing nothing

2008-02-02T01:16:00.000+07:00

Unfortunately there is no such thing as happiness when you are doing absolutely nothing. Okay, I know people that had been working their asses off for however long will absolutely testify against this nonsense. But I think I can assure you that between being productive and being utterly useless I would take the former in any case.

Well it's been a month since NY and yes it is forever on active person scale. It is also forever on an inactive person scale, but that is for an entirely different reason. You see you just get tired of the work if you are active, which is completely sensible and it makes sense since you have been running around making your life (seems) better. Meanwhile an inactive person is also getting tired, but this is not physical - it's mental. It is getting tired of himself. It's losing skill and confident that get to them.

And that is what I really feel like at the moment. Not only I feel I am taking a big step backward towards ordinary, but it's a big step backward towards life and everything that I set out to achieve. My career plan is in jeopardy, my motivation is way low, my self esteem is as good as Britney Spears, and my life is just heading way downwards.

I really guess it is not as bad as I make it sounds. I mean I graduated, with a good degree and at good university, so it should all be fine right? Yes. I mean it is . But with this tag, this quality, this possession, this monstrosity, I have a bigger expectation. With what I did it's a good starting job, and a good social circle, and a good living standard, and ability to travel, and free constructive time, and challenge and exciting work environment, and a good pay, and.... That is quite illusional. And I wish I don't have that ego. Yet I know if I do not have it I just fall into that mediocre good but not-of-great potential. I do not want that.

So a month of looking for an employment with nothing on my friggin radar (or on their friggin radar) I become rather disencouraged. I am choosy with it and it becomes apparent that maybe I cannot be since I don't have that bargaining power. Now really am I correct?

Since this can be the case I am getting myself in the position to do Masters... MBA at any uni... Damn me if this is continuing because I will go nuts if I am not doing anything next month!!

In 2008...

2008-01-14T22:00:00.000+07:00

After almost 2 months in this beautiful Thailand I finally got the chance to get used to my native country. My initial impression wasn't good, and now it's still not that high. Yet I find something charming about it.

Take Jim Thompson's house, for example, the American architecture expat living in BKK until his mysterious disappearance in Malaysia. He revived the Thai silk industry and made the weaving world's most famous pattern. He also purchased this beautifully preserved traditional Thai house and renovate them to his modern architectural taste (marble, aircon, toilet,... yeh wasn't a lot of toilets in traditional Thai's house). I wonder sometimes that would it need to take the outside personnel to see the importance of what we local natives take for granted and of little value? Looks like it does.

Not only did he uphold the Thai culture to the highest of degree, he also preserved the rarest house in the middle of the city. Yeh this is next to MBK, prominent shopping centre of BKK (as many who had visited would testify), in fact it's the next station - National Stadium BTS - and that just tell you how centrally it is located.

How sad it is though that only me and my mom were the only Thais appreciating this long-lost art of our ancestors.

Another fine example of Thai's apparently lack of patriotic pride is the Old Parliament's Queen Sirikit's Exhibition. The most EXQUISITE of all the decoration. From handbag, chandelier, wood engraving, weaving, and the building itself!!! It was built by 5th King of Chakri dynasty, who went to Paris for education. Then well it was a weird kind of building, with the usual western flair for angles, chandelier, rooftop painting, gold statue, king's over-exaggerated-pose, mixed with elephant, Thai costume, Thai religious figure, and many mismatch crap (well how can we blame ordinary people for the lack of patriotic thought when out former king was also a converted...). Shame no photos were allowed.

On this topic I cannot really talk too much about it. After all I do despise the Thai value as well (I think many of the younger Japanese can see my point here). There is too much crap to care about - the seniority, the surname, the family, the connection... Oh yeh i know it was always the connection but the system is rotting the country to the core. The King, god forbid me, is too old to do anything about it. Especially if his older sister just passed away...

4 Jan 08 - 7 Jan 08
But I start new year with a lil nice fishing trip at Pak Bara, Satun (way down south, where you get on the boat to Tarutao, for all those off-the-beaten-track traveller). Well it was not the most successful fishing trip - the tide was tricky, the baits were few, the fish were choosy. Still we manage a few of the fish to be worthed the trip (barracuda, groupers, breams...). The sea was so calm though I though we were in a lake. But it was so beautiful that I didn't give a damn. Oh yeh I had plenty of Heineken too lol.

I am still looking for the job. I do get into depression, for they pay such a low wage for freshly graduate, even if they are from Sydney. I am just well genuinely discouraged by all of this. For all of those in Sydney, you are a friggin millionaire in BKK if you get pay that much.

Anyway Happy B'day to myself.

Last Rant for '07

2008-01-14T21:15:00.002+07:00

Day 41: 31.12.07

Last day of 2007, one of the most eventful year in Pun's life. Really I was in a nostalgic mood. Just for a second lol. Neway just wanna gladly welcome the new year with open arms. Ah no resolutions yet? Oh well i dont really care coz i dont keep any anyway.

There were well too many things to reflect to during this year. I mean it really. There were absolutely ecstatic moments, and goddamn painful heartache moments. There are too many to mention, not even the most prominent ones... There were moments there that I thought I would lose myself in total hysteria from happiness or sadness. There were moments so dark that I contemplate ending it all and there were moments that so bright n sunny that I embrace and appreciate that I have this precious life. I lost half of myself and I regained it. But I do appreciate it all. I was happy with the year that passed.

The election on the 28th Dec 2007 yielded the same old... PPP (People's Power Party) won it. It the same henchman off Thaksin. I wonder if Thailand really welcomes New Year. Is there another coup around the corner? Who cares? This country is hopeless.

Anyway I ended up just boozing around, lounging, getting the best outta what BKK should offers - Bed Supper Club, Route 66 (RCA), Central World Plaza. Neway nearly ended up in jail by the end of the night (thanks Quartermain).... Nuff said...

Neway Happy New Year to you all!!! May all the worst left behind and all the best to come!!!

PS. Gonna change it up a bit, I realised this blog become a bit of a diary entry and not my real intention of talking bullshit on the web. While some might find diary interesting, I find it as boring as reading resume. So I will only mention the GOOD part, leave the mundane crap behind. After all I would've called this blog a Diary if I only want to record my daily life events.

Again HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I love you all. I miss you Sydney.

Phu Kradueng

2007-12-30T00:53:00.001+07:00

Day 34: 24.12.07

Well after 2 days of laziness and saying bye to Will (they didnt get much done lol) and promise to turn up to his wedding in March in KL; I kinda wake up and make a mental list of what to bring to Phu Kradueng, since this is going to be one of the biggest, longest, and toughest trek around in Thailand!

Not good sign; i cut myself shaving. Havn't done that since... err long time ago! Today was the day to travel n it's superstitious. Oh well I am not superstitious!
Neway the sleeping bag and the backpack were bought and prepared to the max (10+kg). Should be enough!
5pm I caught BTS (Bangkok Skytrain, if I never mention it before) it to Mo Chit station, where i again had to hire motorcycle to the real Mo Chit (the Northern and North-East bus lines station) and wait for 3 hrs, where I met with my cousin, Safe, and bought a shoe for him, met his ABAC university friends. We all joined together; the more the merrier!
On the bus, I nearly die from holding on to my piss! Didnt sleep very well that night; 7-8hrs to Leoi....

Day 35 - 37: 25.12.07 - 27.12.07

Phu Kradeung: Oh my God just the most unbelievable experience!

Well words wouldnt describe how hard it is to climb the f*#king thing... really I just grew that much appreciation for those mountaineers, all respect to you all. We left the base at 6am and got to the tourist camping spot at 1-2pm... lol yeh long time but we did stop at every stop - banana, eggs, energy drinks, rice, ... well anything that packed energy were consumed... Got up to the top, cook some meal, went straight to bed, sharing our unfinished meal with local deers...

Next day wake up damn early - 4am - to watch the sunrise (a good 3km walk to the cliff), gotta kick everyone up! Turned out that was just a warm up. After the snrise walk we came back, take a lil rest, go off again at 10am for all the waterfalls. This was the dry season so there wasnt much water... Neway this was enroute to Pha Lomsak, the sunset spot, 9km+ away... Yeh we almost went crazy walking there... The food price there also makes me feel like I'm in The Rocks, Sydney than in the middle of Thailand jungle....

Well the pix we took were awesome... worth the walk?! Errr well i dunno. The walk-back started at 6.30pm-ish... Well got back at 9pm! (another 9km+...)... We all slept well that night...

So yeh totally a good trip. The walk down went *almost* without incident... One of the guy decided he loved the jungle so much that he wanted to be in there, so there he went... Neway we convinced him otherwise...

Got back to BKK Mochit 4am... catchin BTS back home?? U kidding? Taxi all the way baby...

Day 38: 28.12.07
Sleep
Day 39: 29.12.07
Sleep
Day 40: 30.12.07
Mom dropped by, so did her brother and his wife and his son. Damn, Johnny, my cousin, is so damn tall! After years not seeing him he did grow up! Good on him he is doing very well!
Meal at night with the rest of the family friends at Chinese restaurant, got pretty tipsy with the red wine (Penfolds, South Australia, lol where else?).

Banned...

2007-12-21T15:04:00.001+07:00

Day 23: 11.12.07

Packed the bag for BKK, not really knowing why or what i am up there for - well its for the visa isnt it?
To Suvarnhabhumi airport - still dazzlingly huge. Got the taxi to the apartment for ~250 baht. Met up with June and Nham, they are studying. Give Kim a call and agree to meet up with him at his house (สี่แยก อ.ส.ม.ท.).
Catch up witht him prove to be like an old time drinking fest. Had quite a bit of beer and got pretty tipsy. He got his own business importing things to overseas (like fodd stuff). Met his gf - Nes from ABAC - pretty nice and quiet girl, though Im sure she is not! They still smoking stuff, too. Just prove that you cant break that old habit...
So I just decide not to hang around too much, bit too sleepy and tired, went home and out like a daylight...

Day 24: 12.12.07

Hungover and tired, wake up like really late. Gotta get to Japanese embassy and got lost - thanks to the map which wasnt updated. I got off at Petchaburi MRT and its actually near Lumpini MRT on Wireless Road; it's totally opposite direction!
So got the motorbike to ride me there - what a friggin experience! They would ride opposite lane, onto pedestrian strip, sqeezing through unbelievably tiny gap; all for the sake's of saving time... Absolutely impressive! One to be recommended to anyone visiting BKK!
Neway for Japanese visa didnt have enough documents - so damn strict...
Dinner around Narathiwat Rd, called 'Good Evening'. The encore was Patpong...
Near Sala Deang BTS, Patpong is the ultimate of all things sinful. Redlight district of BKK did live up to its name. Take note though - it will be disappointing. Prepare for:
1) Average-looking chicks
2) Crappy dancing
3) Exhorbitantly high price
4) Annoying hassle for your money
5) ... some aren't exactly "real" ladies...
For 4000 baht i didnt have fun at all, since its so shady that i got to be aware all the time. It wasn't for me.
And it really saddened me. For all this is representing Thailand. But it is not. We are not all materialistic and money-hungry and low...
But i did learn a lot of places anyway: Soi Thaniya for all things Jap, Soi 4 for nice restaurant, etc. Thanks to going out and losing some of the money i got the experience. There are good sides to everything I guess!

Day 25: 13.12.07

Back to CC tower at Surasak BTS for Oz visa application. Pretty mechanically done; it was nice and fast, money paid and everything done. I did hold my doubt that this will not be the end of the story for me...
Waiting for mom and sis to arrive at Siam Paragon's Starbucks I did have a lil reflection on last night and a bit of guilt and anger to simmer down. I get worked up pretty easily on these things. Just something to work on I guess.
Neway shopping at MBK with mom and sis - lots of shirts and jeans... Nuff said...
Dinner was at The Gallery @ Sukhumvit 11. Really nice traditional Thai style house and the servings and food is also in the same style. Remember this for next time...

Day 26: 14.12.07

Meeting up with all the relatives on Mom's side: all her uncles and aunties from eons ago... Well some of these relatives were related ever since my mom was in high school n uni! And yeh they havn't catch up for so long that one of them actually just recently passed away...
So that news came from my mom's uncle, Tien, then we had to go meet her aunty, Noi, her husband n sons... Don't you just love it when you cannot remember your relatives lol...
Sis going back to Sydney so dinner is her choice - Daidomon (japanese BBQ). Her girlfriend, Nahm, was there n yeh that was nice. Good luck sis, sorry for leaving so much crap for you to tidy in Syd... I missed my car!!

Day 27: 15.12.07

The Esplanade, Thai Cultural Centre MRT - LTF amd RMF. Basically it's Thailand's version of superannuation fund, which is not compulsory by the way. Pretty boring since I already know what it is.
Funeral - aforementioned relative relative who passed away - not much to say really; it's pretty standard affair with monks chanting n cremation chamber.
MK suki for dinner; meet up with younger sons n daughters of the relatives. Feel like an interrogation since everyone asks me about Sydney. OK I do enjoy spotlight occasionally just not right after funeral though...

Day 28: 16.12.07

Visiting Aunty Oi.
Revisiting some of the past... This is where my dad's side of the family lives and we only used to visit it twice a year all those years ago before i headed to Sydney... So definitely long time ago... It was in Bang Prakong, Chacheongsao; I need to meet with my cousin, Safe, to catch the bus there (the blue and orange one, a reminder for future reference)...
Wow, that would be the understatement, for the change to the old house was immense!!! Like really I would have drove pass the house if i was on my own... There are some trees that I still remembered... The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same...
And I got a lil niece, Neoi ('butter' in Thai); I am an uncle! She is 4yo, half Belgium half Thai, only speak French! Pee Eew's daughter, she is a lot bigger than average Thai girl at her age! I also met my other cousin - Sand - and she has grown into beautiful girl and i'm glad for that...
Dinner was way out of town.... somewhere i cant even remember! It was nice though!!
That night Liverpool v Manchester United and we won!!!(Man U that is)

Day 29: 17.12.07

Visit the shrine for grandma n pa @ Wat Sothon, where everything is brand new!!! Everything changed so much i do not remember... One night my aunty asked me "where is your home?". I almost did say Sydney, decide to say otherwise, and now i wish i did say Sydney.
Getting back to BKK, same bus, same stop. Got the apartment key back from Nahm - her place @ Sukhumvit 11 is huge with her maid to clean it... Lifestyle of the rich and famous? Definitely the former!!!
Finally bought the laptop - Sony Vaio FZ - from Sony Centre @ Emporium; damn finally ill be online from home!
Oh yeh didnt sleep for a while, like a boy with new toy, hehehe!

Day 30: 18.12.07

After last night i decide to head to Pantip Plaza - a mecca for all thing electronic - illegal and fake - softwares, games, movies, and games...
But first i dropped by Central World Plaza, Chit Lom BTS station. And damn its huge!! Absolutely one of the premier shopping centre of BKK apart from the Emporium @ Phrom Pong BTS. So all of ya that 1) has money, 2) want authentic stuffs, 3) has the legs to walk the damn thing, 4) has the time, should remember this list:
- The Emporium
- The Central World Plaza
- The Siam Paragon
And that is all!!
MBK and Pantip Plaza is for us the poor, but ambitious!

Day 31: 19.12.07

Resubmission for the oz visa - i know something like this is coming... Need I say more? The rest of the day is just, that, absolutely shit...

Day32: 20.12.07

Meet up with Will, a friend from Malaysia, met up when we were in Sydney working at KJ. His hotel was pretty hard to find! He is visiting Thailand with his fiance and staying at The Key on Sukhumvit 19, near Asok BTS. Anyway onto his programme...
Royal Palace and temple, Wat Arun, Chao Phraya boat ride, the Gallery dinner... Pretty standard stuff - except i never did the boat ride of the Chao Phraya river myself so that is definitely new to me! We order way too much food for dinner lol but that was excellent anyway to catch up with old friend and congratulate him conhis engagement!

Day 33: 21.12.07

Early call from the embassy, a girl with a friendly voice notified me that i am banned 3 years from Oz... unless i have an exceptionally good reason to visit Australia - yeh definitely i fucking bring your economy money motherfuckers! Excuse my French... so screw the visitor visa Im gonna apply for the Permanent Residence (PR), u fucking aristocrat cunts...

Day 34-35: 22.12.07 - 23.12.07

Quite nothing here... just lazing around try to organize internet and paying the bills... But really I was counting down to the day that I go to the Phu Kradeung!!!!! YAYAYAYAY!

Round and Round

2007-12-10T23:36:00.001+07:00

Day 13 - 1/12/07

Finally December and almost the end of the year. Pretty festive mood in Thailand atm since its the King's 80th birthday and the his 60th year in reign. It is also a Father's Day. The country is going crazy about it - TV got this stuff on 24/7.

But not much today - it begins to rain constantly down here. Not really good since i cannot take the motorcycle out. Internet cainage the whole day.

Day 14 - 2/12/07

Since it rains so much I decide to check out the waterfall near my home town - 'Ton Nga Chang'. Nothing much change - road still feels like I'm driving during WW2 No Man's Land, the shop still got the same name after all these years, and the waterfall is still nice like the first time i visited.

Had a few chats with Kent, pass all the exams so congrats man!, plus all the bills arrived... urgh!

Day 15 - 3/12/07

Pretty much getting ready for my whitewater rafting in Satun. Went and stay overnight with my grandma in my old room. Im talking cheesy posters and stickers of stuffs i used to like. Im talking all the old clothes that i used to wear in the wardrobe. Im talking about all those nostalgic items that you just look and laugh at. Grandma is better - no longer feeling painful at the shoulder blade. Nice fish bbq for dinner with sour mango/fish sauce condiment, the oldest meal as far as i can remember. It reminds me of who i am, where i am from, and not to forget any of it...

About 2am i dunno wtf run across me as i was asleep, a mouse i guess, bloody scare the shit out of me! Didnt sleep that well after that.

Day 16 & 17 - 4/12/07 - 5/12/07

Whitewater rafting day! Went for a long beach walk early in the morning, damn nice as well. Then quickly pack the bag and we were off to Satun!

3 hrs later and some crazy driving and even crazier road we got to Wang Wan Resort (วังแว่น) in Manung, Satun... It's more like a homestay! The owner cook us the best lunch ever! Very traditional thai food. After lunch we went to Phu Pha Phet cave and got some impressive guide tour through it.

At night had a good dinner with my family, got a bit drunk, and sleep pretty well.

Next morning we went off to the rafting. There wanst a lot of water so it wasnt as wild as i expected it to be. Still we had plenty of fun doing it. The weather was cloudy which was kinda good coz its shady.

Again nice lunch, left soon after. That was a breath of country side that shows the real thai and the life we live. Shame really that most tourist only have the wrong impression about thailand.

Happy Father's Day also... Dad unfortunately got too tired so he retired to bed early lol!

Day 18 - 6/12/07

I got a new haircut, well a snip really. Gotta remember to get my hair wash by the hairdresser, the head massage is orgasmic!

Again not much today. Looking for a job mostly and went to the gym. My weight is dropping yeh!!

Day 19 - 7/12/07

Majority of the day was shopping with my sis and organising a big dinner party for my sis' departure and my graduation. Shopping was mostly with my sis. I tried on million jeans but none would fit. Oh well maybe i didnt lose as much fat as i thought!!

Dinner tonight was at my uncle's friend hotel. Too much food, too much wine, have to get up on stage and sing a few songs, it's all a good time and a good lesson in growing up (apparently singing is big part of social scene here in thailand). Nice to catch up with all other relatives as well!

Later on those who still got the legs n energy go to karaoke - Sabai Bar. Never know they got one in Hat Yai. Went and check the clubbing scene out, it was pretty decent!! Mad chicks (fuck all these hoes!) try to pick up some old Malaysian tourists. Oh well a job is a job i guess.

Day 20 & 21 - 8/12/07 - 9/12/07

Sending June to airport to BKK, she gotta go early to meet her gf... My parent is not thrill about it. I spend two days on the net try to find out new jobs and did a couple of tests. Not impress with my skills... it's getting more blunt!

Watching consecutive NBA and EPL, i was a lazy couch potato for a bit. Mancheter United won!! Looking forward to next week when all the Big 4s play each other in EPL!!

Day 22 - 10/12/07

Leaving for BKK tomorrow so i gather around the stuff i need to do up there. Not much really just a few things (err visa, internet, notebook, etc...). Just seeing grandma before I go off, we got new maid for her which is good so we know that there is someone 24/7 to look after her in case anything goes wrong.

Chest pain for a few days... Doc said its okay but i dunno... Doesnt matter BKK soon, plenty of hospital there! More work out = more beer!

In the slow lane

2007-12-03T08:11:00.001+07:00

Day 6 - 24/11/07

Got the message from Will (KJ mate), he's getting married! Congratz bro! Hopefully Ill see him in BKK or otherwise attending his wedding in KL.

In the morning went to fresh market (the one that sells food beside the road) and had a go at the new motorbike, JRD Tornado. Absolutely fuckin brilliant!!! Spend quite a bit of time learning how to ride it properly.

Chillin for the rest of the day, just watching NBA, EPL, and whatever is on ESPN.

Its Loy Krathong tonight. After dinner we try to get to one of the place to actually float the damn thing but the traffic was more static than Stephen Hawking. So went home and dream about it instead...

Day 7 - 25/11/07

Just got the exercise routine up and running. Basically its the total workout for everything to get ready for the gym. Oh yeh I was aiming for 10km run/ 3km swim thing.

This is actually a preparation for this upcoming trip to Phu KraDueng, a flat plateau about 2km up from sea level. Notorious for one of the hardest trek in Thailand, so I am pumped for it! Plus it's one of those you go once and you can proudly say for the rest of your life 'oh yeh i done that'!

Day 8 - 26/11/07

Utter laziness, just walking around the old town Songkhla to get my bearing back and revisit some of the place that I just remember. Damn I have been away for so long, everything is not where it was, so much have changed.

As I went for a walk on the freshly-paved beachside path I noticed an alarming rate of increasing bar/pub along the beach (inevitably all the prosti as well...). I just hope this lovely, quiet, old fishing town won't turn into infamous Patong Beach of Phuket. Not in my life time at least!

Day 9 - 27/11/07

Whole day at the driving license registration - most boring, inefficient, and stupendously slow - and yeh they fail me! There is no 'rule' in the road of Thailand!!

Day 10 - 28/11/07

Went to rubber tree plantation with uncle and aunty. Talking mostly about how to invest, manage money, and where to portion it. At lunch we stop at this restaurant... umm cant remember the name but it was beside the artificial pond near Jungloan market and the food is damn good... Oh talk about that, Jungloan market is right beside the Malaysian border in Sadao district, literally as you come out of the immigration from Malaysia you would see it. It is now overrun by sleazy bar, prosti haven, and shady shit that make Thailand so famous for. It is sad really since last time I was here 2 years ago there was no such thing here. What is this country coming down to?

Day 11 - 29/11/07

Went for shopping for real for the first time since I got back. Just getting the necessary stuff coz most I will get from BKK neway.

Plus planning a trip down to Satun, one of the province down further south, and I reckon is much better than Phuket because it is unspoiled by all the tourist traps. There are two trips planned - one for whitewater rafting and another for the big deep sea fishing trip. Both look superb!

Day 12 - 30/11/07

I retook the damn driving license test, and bloody pass it in 30 seconds but the waiting time is about 3 hours... what a friggin waste of time...

Neway today is pretty slow - it's the resume writing time... So yeh check out all the companies and read up on what positions they want. Check out Exxon Mobil and Chevron coz got connections there hehe. I really wanna get into McKinsey though...

I took a sneak peek at Motor Show 07 in BKK, and I like it (i think they focus too much on the girls not the cars, not that im complaining - the girls are hot!). Check one out ;)

To home...

2007-11-23T21:23:00.001+07:00

Day 1 - 19/11/07

Got drunk outta my head and didn't sleep the whole night before, the morning kinda bring some sort of hazy, i-will-miss-you kinda feeling. Shout out to Kent a million thanks for driving to the airport and a candid phone call from Shun to wake me up. Owe you one guys!

For some shitty reason Jetstar was delayed due to missing apparatus for flying and they dont have spare (haha funny but really - fuckin hell guys get it right!). Eventually they find the spare (probably nick one from adjacent plane). Well i got what i paid for! Thought they gonna intercom for us passengers to give the plane a push...

Phuket finally at 930pm so... went to the pub (Bill Bentley) hehe. Order Pad Thai and Heineken (fresh from the tab) - it's so damn nice together!! (it rhymes pretty good as well) Must be something they put in Heineken in Thailand...

Connecting flight to BKK at 1am, got to my new place at On Nut (Sukhumvit 79). Crash out to bed...

Day 2 - 20/11/07

Wake up pretty early, got out the map of BKK to literally study it! So much has changed since last time I was here. Got the place figure out eventually.

Next I thought I might as well try go out and get a feel of the change. So head up to IT expo at Muang Thong Thani (called ICT expo). Pretty good to catch up on what Thailand is up to in IT. And the showroom chicks are pretty good as well hehe (I will be back for Motor Expo here no doubt...)

Finally my whole family got to BKK. We all went to see this musical play (bloody hell since when Thai people watch an English musical?) "Cats" by Andrew Lloyd Webber @ The Esplanade, near Thai Cultural Center. Pretty damn good, but I still like Pirate of Penzance more.

Nice hot porridge after the play finish. Went to bed worry of what is going to happen next...

Day 3 - 21/11/07

Dreadful thoughts filled my head. Heading up to Australian Embassy to see how much shit I am really into. So early morning I caught BTS (Bkk's sky train) to Surasak Station and into Thai CC tower where they move the visa application place to (the Australia's embassy got a full army there standing guard in case of Jakarta scene so no one can get near the damn thing).

After some pain-in-the-ass checking (not literally of course!) got to the immigration officer and well she cannot tell me anything much except hopefully you are not blacklisted and go look at DIMIA (Aust. Immigration) website... Thanks a bunch...

On the way back to the flat got off at Phrompong station to have lunch at Emporium, the most upmarket shopping center in Thailand I think. Nice food, nice place, but feeling shitty here.

Heading home down south at 5pm. By 730pm I was home, REAL home - Hat Yai, Songkhla. Whipped out a Green Label Johnny Walker (yeh green label! never heard of that!) from my dad's stash. Give a toast for it's been 4 years since me, dad, mom, and sis all sit together to have dinner.

Day 4 - 22/11/07

Visit to my grandma was on No.1 list. She just had a major operation few months back. Now she look like she hadn't aged a single year since I last been here. She is using a stick now to walk but otherwise she looks as healthy as ever. I am very happy to see her. She said I got fat...

And to see this house... where I spent most of my childhood... nostalgia alert!

Went around town and say hi to everyone that kinda still remember me. Telling people on what I was up to and asking them the same in return. Polite courtesy of course. Good practice for my Thai as well.

The day end with me getting my mobile number. Give everyone in Australia a shout through Facebook. Damn people I miss all of ya heaps!

Day 5 - 23/11/07

Getting my routine figure out and trying to set some sort of mini projects to do while I'm bludging around. Start running again to lost my 2pac hehe.

Great news today through USYD mail, my thesis is friggin good!! Supervisor just invites me back for postgrad research! Hence IM GRADUATING!

Also some shocking shit - the bribe that I might have to pay to skip bloody army... it's uuurgghhhh *gasp* shitload (in thai currency that is). Cannot get a job in Thailand if I didnt go to the army!

So figuring out: there are ways to get back to Sydney 1) take the postgrad and get another student visa, 2) get IAG to sponsor me for working visa, 3) apply for skilled migrant visa, 4) visitor visa, 5) working holiday visa.

Feel like celebrating my head off tonight tho, but yeh dont feel right drinking alone.

Goodbye Sydney, Hello BKK!!

2007-11-23T09:56:00.000+07:00

Um this is my first blog in a long time lol. Been pretty busy with thesis last month (and some other heartbroken shit). But here I am again!

Talking about changes in the last few blogs ago and isnt it funny that changes all come at once!!

Damn Im leaving my beloved city Sydney back to my 'home' Thailand.

So its goodbye the endless summer days on Northern Beaches. Goodbye to this beautiful city. Goodbye to my quirky yet loveliest bunch of friends. Goodbye to the memories that mean so much to me.

For now at least.

Its a bit of a depressing blog this can be because I just kinda miss Sydney a lot. Its like breaking up in a relationship, but i know that Sydney will always be there where i need her to be (unlike some b....) and for that i think ill see Sydney again, even though i dunno when.

Im back home in Songkhla down south at the moment near Malaysia border. However i think ill be in BKK. Hello BIG city!!

Bangkok is such a gargantuan beast of a city. I think Sydney is about a forth of size in term of the downtown CBD, and like a tenth in term of population (okay not that much but yeh u get what i mean). Its friggin huge!!! In term of entertainment its like comparing Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. In term of lawlessness its like looking at get away with murder and getting arrest chewing gum (damn those singaporean snobs).

By no mean this is not to testify that BKK is a better city. Just like Angelina, she also tends to bring excess baggages (...adopting children...) and BKK is kinda like that - lots of lights and lots of dark as well. Cannot really elaborate here lol.

Neway ill leave ya with a pic from where I was born, Songkhla. I think it has one of the most beautiful stretch of beach in thailand (5km of pure indulgence) and plus it got the pine tree forest most of the way through. It is a pretty quiet, sleepy, fishing town. And i really like it that way - i never want it to turn into Patong Beach in Phuket or Pattaya - too many seedy hoes, too many dirty bars, too many drunken tourists, too many wrong perceptions about thailand. Ill be in BKK soon so in meanwhile im just going to soak up the sea and sand and enjoy my extended holiday!!

Don't Look Back In Anger

2007-10-22T23:54:00.001+07:00

In the week that my thesis is due I still have time to write to y'all!! That's the dedication!

Okay, fine, I wrote last week about enough crap about forgiveness but still some just cannot let it go! So, as a person who grew up in the 90's in Sydney North Shore (Facebook will tell ya!), I found some remedies for those who cannot get over it!

I cannot justify myself for giving a healthy dose of medicine for the heartbroken ones (I still sometimes need some myself!) for I am just an engineer, you know just the black and white, the right or wrong, the liberal or the labour, the misunderstood and the foolish, etc... I cannot get myself into the relationship discussion, i.e. the gray area....

Of course nothing is as simple as we engineers think as 1+ 1 = 2. But again something cannot just be simpler. She left you. You let her go and wish her the best, because she found what is best for her now!

So what about you? Are you as worthless as your ex-partner led you to believe? Are you sure you are sane enough to make judgment? Are you even sure of yourself?

Well YOU ARE SURE OF YOURSELF! Coz you are free to be whatever you choose! I might sounds bitter but sometimes things do hold you back! That also includes the gut to take the risk that life will always present to you! This works both ways. You and your ex will benefit in the long term that both of you will grow exponentially. If you ever get back then of course it will be better and it'll be alright. By then you will grow enough skin to handle 'the silly little thing called love', as Elvis put it...

The pursue of love. It is so hard to even identify, define, or explain what 'love' is. In the 21st century can we even know what it is when it can be broken with just a simple signal of electromagnetic signal that would translate into 'I don't love you anymore'. Can it just be broken with a speech through CDMA (Cell Division Multiple Access) phone call to say that one would pour their heart out of how much they treasure the time and the other just don't give a shit? Oh yeh. That is of course they can. It can be as simple as the transmission of 18th-century radio signal, as governed by equations of James Clerk Maxwell, and are still as meaningful, and damn complicated, 3oo years later.

Love is not a law of physics. It cannot even pretend to be the quantum mechanics (the smaller it is the harder it is to predict) because the bigger it is the harder it is to speculate. It even breaks Einstein's Theory (the faster the object move, the less time will pass through) because love is always there no matter how much or fast time goes through. Can you see the geekiness of North Shore school now?

There are some logical explanations to this 'love' phenomenon though. It's like we are too choosy for the 'right' one, like probing electron with photon only to get a wave function that cannot tell us it is a wave or a particle (i.e. is he/she 'real' or just a vapour of dream), or inspecting the right one but only to find the others more suitable, like quantum mechanic's dislocation (i.e. you did something for this bloke/chick and the other seems to suddenly transform to the way you want them to be). All I can say is that is purely co-incidental. I kinda hate that.

So, logical thought aside, do not think about it logically! It doesn't work with 'love'. All there is to think of is that you are a better person to give another person freedom to do what they want to do. Next thing is that you think is that you have the freedom as well. You wish others well. He/She will always be a part of you and you always care about them. Now though you going to break some of that Heisenberg's uncertainty!!!!

Don't look back in Anger.
Coz I know I always love you.

The Flip...

2007-10-17T22:59:00.000+07:00

Often I wonder why we all hurt so much after the break up... And it just hit me that we are all human after all and the emotional bit is just the sign to say that we are human not just some animal that just fuck and leave...

It is because we still care so much about the one we had shared such a great experience. And now I just break up and, therefore, take the Buddhist stance that I myself just wanna say that 'Good luck'. We forgive for what we had done and hope to our best that they forgive us for what we did wrong. I truly hope that we all get along with each other just fine because I think that it's how life is supposed to be. And I think it is not meant to be one miserable thing after another but it should build on the forgiveness that one should give to another, no matter how much they make you feel like the end of the world... We still love and care for them as much as before.

I do realize that this should be the not-so-obvious, so-boring post. I would wanna be a hard-ass. The reality is I cannot deny on what I am, a soft-ass and quite sentimental about our human nature. It's not black and white like mathematics that they taught us in Engineering degree. It is always the gray area.

We, the dumpees, would hurt. Now that is all set in the stone I do appreciate that the significant others are doing well and if we are the one who are holding them back then we had to let it be. For I fervently believe that if 'you truely love someone, you set them free'.

So. Let they be free. Oh no matter how much pain, suffering, heartache and heartbreak, suicidal thought (oh that is too extreme and if anyone would think so they should see a shrink...), insecurity, loss of libido, loss of mind, etc., that you would had to endure, I truly forgive them. For it is not only we that are so unfortunate.

Last few days I had learned of the lady who cannot have a baby, cheating husband that had been married for the last 10 years with kids, and read a book on a guy who had no arms or legs... And well are we not so fortunate?

Breakup is a change. I know I do sound like I am distancing myself from those who are suffering and feeling the indifference. But we are all wonderful people, with great people around you (once if you ever look hard enough), with a bountiful potential, with time to spend yet with other fantastic people, with effort to make everyone happy, with more love to give... I know it could be hard to divert from 'The One' that you thought it was, for everyone think so, and give the precious 'love' to another. I for once do feel that, no matter how bitter and skeptical I am.

I still love my ex's with all my heart. But as I said, you set them free, and they are better off. You can be as melancholic and sentimental. You can be as sad and depressed. But for all the rights I truly appreciate them, and for all the wrongs I do forgive them. For we all live too short to be hateful and spiteful for one another. I am proud of what I did and if I have a chance to do it again I would not do it differently.

For those who are optimistic, then I offer that 'if we meet again it'll be forever'.

I am not going to pretend to be expert in relationship (hell we all learn all the time right?). I am not writing blog in some personal crusade to save one's life from break up. But I ask for forgiveness for whatever you or they commit against. I am Buddhist but it is always NOT the label that defines me, it is the value that does, and on that forgiveness is written from the Bible to the Koran (didn't do much for the World's politics does it?). So we forgive...

Do not be angry for what they did to you. They only do what it is best for them. And if love is anything it is always about setting others free.

Why then the marriage? Why is it such a tying-them-down tradition? Why would you marry? Freedom comes at a price. I cannot even fathom why one would marry; it is as mysterious to me as a black hole. What is love? I cannot define it. The hurt in your heart tells you? That happens to anyone you got a crush on. The crying in private on a love song? That happens when you are lonely...

Alas, I cannot pin 'love' down. I do not think anyone can. I do know it's not just an arbitrary word. I do know it's not just a convenient word. I do know it's deeper than anything that you experienced.

As for me I forgive.

C-C-C-C-CHANGES!!!!!!

2007-10-11T03:36:00.001+07:00

Time changes everything. Even things that you truly believe would last do falter to the constant flux of time, like a season that changes from winter through to autumn affecting the tree that lives through it. Obviously I was the tree (a fat one at that!). WHAT I BELIEVE THOUGH IS THAT ALL CHANGES ARE GOOD~! Even though some seem evil at the time...

So what more one can do but to celebrate the good tidings that changes bring than to revamp this whole blog!!!

Evidently this whole blog thing does become a bit of an addiction. True, I said that I thought I could not write and would not write for a long time because I did seriously thought that I cannot recover from aforementioned changes. But in order to distract myself from, well, evil thought, I fought the fire with fire and distract myself with what I should write on the next blog. I start to think about it at work, think about it during group discussion, think about it when I am taking a shit, think about it when I am sleeping, think about it... you got the idea. So I got down to do it!

I did reread some of my own stuff and thought - heck, it's all over the place! There is all current affairs, my sadness rant, my conspiracy theory, blah blah blah. I am toning those down. I am going to ramp up some shit that are more interesting! So say hi to Punevil... well you'll know him soon enough...

So I sincerely thank you for those that brought changes into my life. I hope that changes will do them good in return as well~!

Now lemme hand it all over to Punevil...

It just gone blank...

2007-10-08T23:10:00.000+07:00

Sorry people I won't be writing things on here for a while. In fact I had not been writing. Not that I was too lazy. But every time I got onto the post site I just could not write.

My mind is not focused enough whenever I am alone. Yes, it is missing some pieces. I hate it when I lose my ability to do things.

My head just went blank. I can hardly read anything and not be distracted in a matter of seconds. I space out a lot. I lose track of time.

Lately I have been staring at pictures. I look at them one by one, imagining what it was like in that particular moment in time, trying to replicate the emotional high that was there. I think of someone a lot.

Is it so bad to reminisce? I had my quiet moments. I still have my quiet moments, yearning to relive good times, and regretting the bad ones. It is human emotion. And I for once do feel a bit tender and sentimental. I am not so sure now how strong I am. Was I ever? Is it just a thick shell I built that with a minor crack all that was weak would be exposed?

But I'll pull through. Gimme some time. I'll make sense out of everything.

Then I'll write again.

Hip Hop is dead... or is it the NBA?

2007-09-20T01:41:00.000+07:00

Now to continue from the last post I did mention that the great one, Greg Oden, is out for the next NBA season for the surgery in his knee. Now that is a great loss for Portland Trailblazers, and even greater loss for the NBA in total. Oh you didn't remember or follow it?

OK I'll refresh what went down in the off-season homies!

First, NBA suffered from the credibility crisis in form of the official referee's,
Tim Donaghy, involvement in point shaving, that is colluding with a mob to throw a game into the favour of the bet that was agreed upon before. In such a hand of referee a match, or two, can be determined well beforehand in the knowledge of those who made the bet, and the call. Finally the FBI got the hang of it and came in to arrest the bugger. If in doubt please look at the Spurs v Suns 2007 playoffs. You get the idea...

Second, the 2006-2007 NBA Finals was a blow out. Put it eloquently it was 'shit'. The lowest rating NBA finals that have ever been watched by lowest number of spectators. Now that trigger an alarm for the No. 3 spot for the biggest sport in USA, hell NCAA probably was more interesting than 'Le Broom' of the NBA Finals where Spurs swept Cavs 4-0. It was due to the big imbalance of the West and the East Conferences in the NBA.

Third, Mr. Kobe Bryant's big mouth got the best of the league's attention. Not only calling his general manager 'an idiot', his teammates 'are useless' in his eyes, and that he wanted out; he did it on the national radio broadcast and in front of amateur cameraman that put the whole thing on YouTube! Sure we had had this episode with him and Shaq before but it was never publicly revealed. Now, during the midst of bad public relation of NBA, the leading scorer of the league just slam another nail in the coffin. Surely it cannot get any worse...

And then came the recovery, the most exciting college draft since Lebron James, that has the future talent Greg Oden and Kevin Durant. Former a 7-foot centre, a la Bill Russle-esque, and latter the mobile forward, a la Michael Jordan-esque.

Now that I mentioned Jordan, and that Portland with the first pick did choose Greg Oden, there is an obvious comparison in the history. Portland picked a 7-foot centre Sam Bowie before Chicago's 2nd pick of Michael Jordan. Then the rest was history. Sam Bowie becomes disillusioned with Portland and injured himself for most of the time while Jordan became, well, Jordan - the most successful, athletic, recognizable, and the best (I think, and not many would argue with me here I guarantee) basketball player ever.

So now that Greg Oden, Portland's first pick of the big man like before, injured himself for the rest of the season, who would have expected?

Well not the Portland Trailblazers and definitely not the NBA who had its hope high on making the league the most prestigious and credible again after so many scandals in the off-season. Instead of the first game of Portland v San Antonio where it will pit the most dominant big man in NBA, Tim Duncan, against that rising star big man, Greg Oden, it will only turn out to be San Antonio ripping apart Portland 'Jailblazers' (as they were known for their players' involvement in drug, cash, and hoes). So much so for the publicity stunt.

So what would it take to get NBA back to the good ol' days? KG and Ray Allen's trade to Celtics? Yi Jilian's refusal to play for the Bucks? Reggie Miller coming out of retirement? Hahaha... sorry got to laugh for the last one....

Well no matter what I still be watching it. Now though with an ever-careful eyes for the decision made by the refs. No more travelling for you King James!!

And really I was hoing to talk about the dead of Hip-Hop... Oh well that would be the next blog that would come around real soon! (Apologize for those that keeping the hip-hop thing real like Common, Kanye, and Lupe Fiasco)....

Inevitably low after high

2007-09-17T16:33:00.001+07:00

Ah well what a weekend that was for sport! Even if you are not a sport fanatic you could not just get away from feeling something is in the air in Australia.

Yes it is that time again where the two football codes, namely the Aussie Rules and Rugby League, are getting into their finals. And if that was not enough the Rugby Union World Cup in France also provides the additional thrill when Australia played Wales (haha sorry Welshy, enjoy South African in the Quarter Final).

And if that is not enough we also have the Big 4 English Premier League Teams (Man U, Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool) playing their matches in the same night! How much more rowdy can we get!! (oh yeh Cricket Twenty20 is also on... hooray!)

So anyone with 8 TVs and subscription to Foxtel I am highly jealous of your fortune.

The state of current affairs also seem like they been lifted straight out of Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code'. Mystery on Japanese's PM resignation, murder investigation on little British girl Madeleine McCann turned on her parents, John Howard's confidence breakdown, Britney Spear's failed attempt at a comeback, and the accident of Thai Airline on landing at Phuket. It is as if the APEC was mocked merely as some old men and women meeting to have some champagne and photo taken.

The weekend was also packed with my lil-get-together dinner with high school friends (you know who you are...). Well that was one hell of a nostalgic night. It felt like we are all in high school again (haha yes I am talking about clubbing, for we had not get together like that since... ah... eons). Yes music was crap (or were we too old to appreciate it? Hope not!), some of us were dancing like we are at schoolies (yes, some of us....), and all of us smell like meat (an attractive appeal to opposite sex, if they are pigs or cows), courtesy of Japanese BBQ. No, I ain't complaining. I had fun. Hope you all did too!

So what was there after the party, the play, and the press? A beautiful let-down that's what.

Contemplations on nonsense often comes when they are the least needed. Suddenly my brain cannot formulate what i was gonna write for my thesis anymore and it keeps flashing to the scene of our dinner-get-together conversations. Oh my god, some of us want to get married already. Oh my god, we are all singles again. Oh my god, we are getting the quarter-life crisis. Oh my god, Greg Oden is injured and out for the whole NBA season (okay that's another blog). Oh shit I am not even supposed to think about any of this.

So I kept contemplating (wasting time) and come up with one common theme - we all hate our corporate job!

Then I delve into my first source of information, my local DVD rental shop (yeh I am so sophisticated lol), to find out if there is anything wrong or evil with a corporation. Hence, 'The Corporation' documentary logo of this post. It was mind-blowing.

Well not that I do not know that there are some sinister business dealings going on. We all know of child labour and pollution. We all know the exploitation and the manipulation. What I did now know are those things on the frontier and the barrier that a corporate is willing to push. Like a corporation that owns certain DNA strand and in the future has the potential to charge fee for any human being that has that DNA strand. Or privatization of water utility that a corporate will charge you even if you collect rainwater (yes it means the corporate owns rainwater in certain country). The analysis of a corporate as a psychopath citizen is also quite convincing!

But back to us. Really it does feel like they are using us, driving us mad, and sucking us dry. All in the name of profit. But if we hate it so much and know what it is doing to us then why are we working for them!?!?

Anyway my friend I don't have a conclusion for why we hate our corporate jobs. But there must be a way to beat the system. Not all bad things come from corporate. And surely I don't want to live in government-owned society (aka Communist). I hope we all find intrinsic motivation to stuck it out!!

Ah I felt much better already after ranting... Next blog!

Semi-Charmed Life

2007-09-12T00:45:00.000+07:00

I truly appreciate all those late night calls to talk to me about their recent break-ups, I am intriguing about the whole psychology and the philosophy behind it all. Well especially I am going through one myself it's only fair that we sit down n having the cup of tea (or whiskey) n discuss it like a true civilized citizens.

But oh no. It's barbaric. It's the chocolate n soapy -late-night chick flicks for girls and too-many-spirits shots for the guys. Oh we are in next century are we still all in the old remedies of fixing ourselves? It only leads to crazy, tortured diets, or insane rehabs. It's oh-so-hollywood crap. Isn't it barbaric?

Hell yeh as it doesn't seem to be a better way to fix it... We guys love to get blind and forget about how many dudes you are pulling each night. We love to forget that you are now in 21st century you girls are pulling string over us over our insecurity. Oh yeh we want to remember the 70's....

Depressing isn't it bloke?

I am a bit on the feminist side. Oh no it's not that they got to me. I just see the imbalance from my 3rd world experience. Damn all the feminist wouldn't know anything only if they live in the world they try to protest against. Only that they know that they are powerless, and you just got slapped for saying thing that they would not have been if they say it in the middle of the big, comfy couch. Go in that position see how you bark bitch...

Oh well im going to get a lot of complains about that comment.

I cook, clean up, and maintain the house. I certainly do not expect my counterpart to do the conventional house-wife things. I do enjoy cooking to certain degree. It's not the taboo. It's the art. As for children, well i am not planning to have any til i am well and old, i do want to spend heaps of time with them. Even through teenage years...

But really c'mon girls are you not more skeptical what is set up for you?? I am only a 23-yo-single-asian-dude so i would only offer the advice that would come from 23-yo-single-asian-dude. Are you up for semi-charmed kind of life??

Err of course not. We are in the illusion of perfect Fiji proposition on the perfect white sandy beach in these 21st century. Umm sorry to spoil it for all of you guys. Or oh well Eiffel Tower with champaigne with oysters. Oh so FUCKIN cliche.

I believe in fate. So call me old-fashioned and whatever you like. If its in a drunken pub, it will be so meaningful. If its after losing-pokies fashion it will also be worthed.

Okay it's all messed up. All i want to say is that i really miss you.

Yes 'everyone knows how to live everybody's else life when it's not their own'. I wanna put it right with you. If it feels like i am arranging survival crafts on Titanic then i hope you let me know....

Black Maybe...

2007-09-10T20:24:00.000+07:00

I know. I try to keep the blog going everyday. But I don't have the motivation (if i got paid for doing this maybe...), and also I guess I do not have the most interesting topic to present I guess. Wait til I work for Lonely Planet guide blogs... I'll write everyday!

Oh yeh finally another excitement is over (in the city that lacks of excitement i dunno if that is to celebrate or just be sad...). Of course i talked about the APEC and really whatdelivers more adrenaline than the chance to see the 'Great Wall of Sydney' or, to celebrate Australia's multicultural cultures, the 'Little Baghdad'.

No, not that I was concerned, or affected, at any rate by the APEC motorcade (as some affectionately called it 'The Running of the Motorcade', after the 'Running of the Bulls'). I was actually not affected by anything. only those that gone out looking for trouble that they got it. Really they say to stay away since you protesters caused so much troubles last time and now you complain about inconveniences... Oh c'mon r you all idiots????

I dont wanna discuss it anymore. Nothing is being done for the Greens. Are expected any better?

The only thing I can say about APEC is that it provided more adrenaline. Yes, it is the weekend of NRL, AFL, Euro '08 Qualifiers, and Rugby World Cup!! The former two are in the final eights. So well who gives a shit about APEC??

When there are the Killers, Linkin Park, and ye ye, Kanye West is releasing his new album! So many GOOD music to get excited about, and yet...

I do. For the excitement reason. Sydney lacks that oomph since the Olympic Game and nothing really exciting happened since then. At least I think I was exciting about hundreds of dedicated, out-of-mind Falun Gong protesters turning out at Victoria Park, sitting through rain-soaked Sydney. I was excited about the enthusiasm of the Arts, Laws, and Politics students, thinking they try to make differences in the world, protesting peacefully at APEC. Wow!

Yeh I am as excited that Manly went through to League finals beating Souths (haha f*^ck you Souths fans), saddened that Sydney Swans got flogged (by who else but Collingwood), and England won against Israel 3-0. Oh yeh Australia won against Japan in Rugby World Cup, as if that's not expected. The last one is like a revenge for Asian Football Cup. Ill see if it's true when Australia play Argentina.

So APEC was like a heroin shot in a vein for Sydneysiders. Never again we will feel the thrill of being insecure cause we are so goddamn far away from everything to affect anything. Never again will we have a group of pranksters, aka 'the Chasers War on Everything', breached the security barriers. Wow, how exciting...

The thing is I did not find the issue funny. I am a big fan of Chasers' but I really think they suffer from the 'conservative-aggressive' syndrome. Some say that a bullet between their eyebrows would put them into different perspective. I tend to agree. It's one thing to masquerade as Canadian motorcade n dressed up as Osama. The thing is this meeting is a serious issue and it's not their authority to make fun of the security around the leaders of the globe. Really if they are not protected by their ABC lawyers, heavily-edited-program-to-entertain corporate, and the ignorant 20's-something-that-preferred-entertainment-than-real-news, who are most likely to be activist against what they do not know they are up against, they would got served like some smart-arses at the pub. Yeh with the good old knuckles like the old days!

I am not against the smart-arse comments; because it reflects the truth in the uncanning way. But if you outdo yourself then it's uncool, as Paris or Britney becomes (oh yeh what was Britney thinking at MTV awards...). Check YouTube if you don't believe me.

So my mind just become adapted to the normal events. Work again. Rest again. Some say the 'small thing amuse the small mind'. As I can feel nothing I just hope that my mind is not toooooo small to be amused...

2007 APEC Sydney n the rest...

2007-09-05T21:25:00.000+07:00

APEC 2007 in Sydney had generated such a sensation. Both the positive and the negative... but mostly the negative. You see it is the perfect excuse for workers to get to work late and get Friday off (who wouldnt like that!), and at the same time causes the disruptions for the majority of the waterfront businesses.

Um jeez APEC should not cause this much disruption right?

Well for once I think that it will be beneficial to Australian economy. I mean with all the attention focuses on George Bush and all the anti-Bush campaign running around Sydney like Equine Influenza, should not they believe in the benefit it will bring to the economy as a whole?

Within hours of landing of Chinese President, Hu Jintao, in WA didn't the resources sector that is one of the driving force behind Australian economy benefit tremendously from deals that were done? (ask any Liquified Natural Gas company...)

And yes isn't it hypocritical when the protesters go home and enjoy the luxury of electricity, warm shower, and security that their own government that stages APEC provided?

Unfortunately I am not enlightened by missing the seminar at USYD about the what differences protesting makes at APEC meeting. Oh well not the first seminar and lecture i missed at uni...

I do realize that Labour is leading the poll in the recent research. But does Labour dare to cut the ties with US and China so that they will win on the election? Are they just against APEC for election benefit? Please do not even talk of them controlling interest rates... Only RBA have the control and please get this in you heads Australian people!!

How bout the disruption in Sydney? Yes maybe it should had been organized in Canberra. But i think the government wants to show its superiority and confidence to the world. It is coming out wrong at the moment, with so many business dissenters making the most noise. Labour just jumps on the bandwagon.

In long term it will benefit Australian economy, with increase economic activity and more disposable income that will be spent on these aggravating businesses. It is a long shot. It is a shame that the world stock market is wholly affected by US credit crunch. And yet the interest rate rose, a sign of booming economy.

Now it is a matter of speculation of how much the Australian economy depends on America (in fact how much anywhere in the world depends on America). I say that it is better to keep good relationship than a bad one, and since Australia is the major importer of America goods they better think it carefully.

So I am for the freedom of choice and speech to make everyone aware. Most of the educated ones are probably aware and thinking of how to make the most benefits out of the current meeting. Now do we want to go back to collectivist government? Would you have incentive to make differences when you will not have your improvements on electricity, warm shower, and security?

On the war in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Sudan's Dalfur, are debatable. There are incentives to invade them. What if there is no incentive to make a difference? Are they the new Uganda or Rwanda or Somalia?

I am not on Bush's side. He could be your dad's friend with yet more ambitious goal (and yet if he is my dad's friend I'll be assessing it carefully). He went in with wrong causes and with an obvious intention. I dont understand why, if American army disagrees with it so much, wouldn't they staged a coup? Now they are all negative about it then is Bush a scapegoat?

Kevin Rudd faces an interesting situation if he considers himself a contention for the next election. Again Bush may not be here to implement his plan.

Neway nuff politics, I eagerly await NBA season!

20LEgend

2007-08-29T01:00:00.000+07:00

Okay, it was not my intention to actually write any blog today. Probably last thing on my mind would be to write a blog (got draft thesis due in a couple of days... urgh!!).

Then something happened. It was not the good news. August was just about to pass and it brings with it another EPL season, another glorious late nights and lack of study, another jubiliant and mortified moments. And just like that winter again takes somthing away.

The blog is of course dedicated to my team, Manchester United, and the retirement of one of the greatest legend of the team, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Our 'baby-faced assassin'. Our saviour. Ask any Man U fan about the 1998/99 season and well you would get the similar responses... 'Greatest f*&kin season for United!!!'. Yes it was the 'Treble' that we won. It was the most memorable season out of many memorable seasons (for us that was born in 80s-90s anyway). It was when Ole score on the injury time against Bayern Munich in Champions League that won the us the Treble (Premier League, FA Cup, and Champions League), that was never achieved before in the history of Football (yeh suck on that Liverpool fans, cause the true champion wins on everything, not being a pussy on the league and focusing on the CL. F^*k you too Chelsea fans!).

Courtesy of BBC sports page and other more fanatics Man U fans websites (there are some crazy people out there...) that gave me the knowledge that Ole was brought to United merely on a bargain (1.5m pounds!!). Now I gave the credit to the shrewdness of Ferguson (another proof would be a signing of some certain Frenchman by the name of Eric Cantona for 1m pounds...), in the same category with Anderson and Nani (to be proved yet...). Many people could credit Arsene Wenger for spotting great young talent, but Ferguson is not far behind (Ronaldo is one goddamn solid proof). For Ole it was 366 appearances and 126 goals, and 11 fantastic seasons with the best team in the world. Yet he was not really a first choice striker in any season (well pretty much anyway). He was the super-sub for most of the time. And what a sub he was!!!

For him it was never about the pace; it was all skill. You might compare him to Shearer or Henry, who score more than he did in shorter time frame. But that cannot be compared, for they are the first choice striker playing 90 minutes for majority of games. For him it was about the ability to grab vital goals that wins matches, and trophies, for the club. His loyalty and work ethic was beyond doubt. He was never involved in back-stabbing transfer talk (hello Ashley Cole, and, more relevant, Gabriel Heinze) or change room scuffle (e.g. David Beckham). Throughout the years that he was bench-warming due to his injuries there was never discontent statement or complaint from his agent about his playing time or payment. He was a pure soccer player, like our admirable Giggs and Scholes (please dont retire too soon!). He was the role model of the club and the league. At the end of the day people would look back and say that he was the player every other player should take to be example of, no matter what clubs they are playing for.

Last season despite of his knee injuries he scored 11 goals for United last season (06-07) on a limited playing time. Quite an achievement for someone of 33 years old of age with bad knees.

So it was truly a sad day for any United fans out there. The good news is that he will act as ambassador and coach for younger members of the club. His retirement comes out at the time where United lacks the sure-fired striker but it is understandable. He was more involved and achieved more than anyone would have hoped for.

Thank you, 20LEgend!!!

Nutty season

2007-08-27T20:07:00.001+07:00

Thanks for the picture courtesy of SMH blog's Sam in the City. I find it rather funny and enlightening, in the most weirdest way.

Well im not going to start blog about relationship in this one cause apparently im none the wiser in this topic. There are millions of similar blogs that are maintained by the more enlightened ones and would shine the light on topic more than my mere speckle of photon landing on this vast gigantic sea of relationship turbulence.

But lately i think, as my peers would agree, that i am good at talking about myself and my other bullshit. And i am not you know the alpha male type; in fact i think i belong to like delta or foxtrot, somewhere down the alphabet, kinda type. So yes i feel bitter about being dumped. And yes i am still hopeful (or foolish, or disillusioned, or pretentious, or whatever you want to judge me as) about the relationship that i want to hold onto.

So what is the aftermath? Well not much. I kept my spirit high. I kept socialising. I kept up with all my obligations (hah!). And yes I kept the normal behavioural pattern, like the world has never changed, and ice age never happened, or the meteors never crashed to kill dinosaurs. Yeh shit like that. Please do not ask me about the remedy for a quick fix of being dumped. That is well as mysterious as Einstein's Theory of General Relativity! ... Or is it??

If you are totally devoid of any emotion then relationship is just another bill to pay i suppose. But i rarely know someone who, when not giving advice but experiencing breaking up themselves, would not give in to that sentimental mood. Oh yeh it depends on you being the dumper or the dumpee... But what if you are in a limbo? That means well half-way-in-half-way-out kinda thing. My closest friend would crucify me for he would burn down such a thing like the Greece bushfire in 07. Oh well how bout if you dont have enough water to pour on those fires?

Well isn't that just an age-old question? As for me, as a quarter-aged-male-asian dude, i would give the quater-aged-male-asian dude advice; listen to the music. No No No not Ne-Yo's "I sick of Love Song" or other pretentious hiphop artist... I mean ROCK music. Well if i have not make it not clear enough i think rock music is just the right therapy for the heartbroken; especially the freshly wounded.

U asked me? My teenage years were based on Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Everclear, Queens of Stone Age... I am listening to my FIRST break up music... So yeh i got the idea that i would list the 5 top listening songs when i first break up til my last break up... I just realise it didnt changed much...

Seem like yeh i just never grown up... But really can u get outta your mind ur first break up song in your mind? (mine was Limp Bizkit's Re-arranged).... Everyone says move on, but i beg to differ!!! "Those who learns history tends to not repeat them again" (accredited to someone i cannot remember)... But do you ever really learn about your history? I never think it applies to relationship. Am i feeling feminist? Maybe coz well if i read Neil Perry's cookbook I am being 'metrosexual'? Ask Jamie Oliver or Jermaine Duprie if they feel the same...

No. I dont wanna question about what their famale companions think of them. That could take out the whole blog space. Not only lawsuits to follow....

Anyway i never thought that i would never turn it into some opinionated blogs on relationship. I would back it up with some other topics like what 'Facebook' was called; 'a $5 billion waste of time and productivity' (quote me on SMH); a friggin 'Stalkerbook' (i really like that one). Despite i know it was written in PHP (simple i know) i admired that the author of facebook. You take the weakness of the whole world and make it your advantage; leading the way for Web 2.0 for the world. Friggin brilliant capitalism.

It is unfair to blame the emotional stress on capitalism. But as i see 'Blood Diamond' or 'The Last King of Scotland', even though they were Hollywood film, they were quite convincing. Well if someone makes film about Lenin's or Stalin's regime then i might change my mind. Yes we are all shallow to believe what the film makes you believe but that is the biggest channel of communication.

But who am i kidding? I am but a single voice amongst millions who are way more concerned than me. I was never an activist even thought i have my view about the government. I am more concerned about myself and what i like. The Chaser's War on Everything could be misleading and entertaining but i like it anyway. Am i to blame that APEC meeting would mean nothing to Australia????

I had my prediction. Australia n America would agree on some minerals. BHP will go up. China will also demands more minerals. So. Buy minerals company. Im just nothing but minor predictioner but ill buy natural asset....

But now as i try to impede myself with other thoughts i still think of you, Hiroe. Ummmm, i just feel like an absolute loser to keep on hanging on. I wanna feel like u still got the feeling for me. If you dont feel so then lemme know...

Screw Facebook!!!

2007-08-20T01:08:00.000+07:00

Well maybe all the Asian brotherhood will back me up with this one... Facebook is so old! Paris Hilton woulda say 'Its so like old like so out of like fashion!' (with her usual snobbish accent)... Yeh hi5, Friendster, MySpace, and Mixi etc.... Is it really need a harvard graduate with knowledge of social network thesis to write this thing up??? Hell no. That guy just got lucky not 'reinventing the wheel' but some damn good marketing and WoM (Word of Mouth)....

And yeh im jealous... F@#ck i coulda write it up like in a month... When the media says IT personnels are overpaid and i would said some of them are damn right and yeh they needed to be shot!!

I put money that in a year someone else gonna write something else betta... Okay i was so tired of joining this so-called social network crap that really the guy that create the new fad needed to be prosecuted and executed...

Come up with some new things or f#&ck off!!!

Music for the next generation...

2007-08-19T23:48:00.000+07:00

As some may say that music got the best of them... Well they wouldnt be far too wrong i meant music is always the one that stay with you through all the time no matter how old and forgetful you might be... Once the tune starts playing and it triggers the best of you, then you know it was when and where you were there and you would be happy...

So i got back into the groove of the 60-70's... I always thought that i am born 30 years too late musically because some of my fav music was in that period... Not only that it was the most innovative period of invention of electric guitar which give birth to blues, rock, and punk as we know them but also give rise to electronica (dont believe me listen to 'Dark Side of The Moon' by Pink Floyd) and maybe experimental music... It also give rise to house and electronic music, some bebop, and, well, some generally all the harmonica, pop, motown, and r 'n' b... There are so many artists that were born to testament of time in this period (and not all that still living)... Notice that i only concentrate on Western music as it seemed then to lead the rest of the world in experimental with everything... Here's my list of my influential 5:

1. Jimi Hendrix
2. The Beatles
3. The Rolling Stones
4. Led Zeppelin
5. Pink Floyd

Well there are heaps more but they are the best of the bunch i pick... I mean really Coltrane, Miles, Beach Boys, The Who, Deep Purple.... oh my god really too many to mention would really influenced my musical taste... I would draft them into the top 10 or top 20... There were simply too many good music originate then... All the power chord, all the blues chop, all the singing harmonica, and all the drum timing... You may argue that a lot of the things were from the 30-40's where they were really 'invented' but really it was a bit too old for my generation to listen to Elle Fitzgerald, Duke Ellington, or Nat King Cole, to really related to modern music (Im talkin Green Day, Kanye West, Lauryn Hill, Justin Timberlake, and Groove Armada)...

I pick them because they were all pioneers in their own rights... They sample and singing in harmony (Elvis and The Carpenters should make it there but i never really dig their music) was there... Further more they commercialize the music (i guess thats why i heard them but hey i cant be blame for something happening 30 years ago!!!) that they promote.... It really was the great period of Transatlantic war(musically that is) and it marked the birth of pop and the rest of the less commercialized music (blues and jazz in New Orleans were never in the favour of the Whites, thanks to political and attitudinal climate at the time, btw Ray Charles and Martin Luther King were to change that).... I dont mean it to be just localized between Brit and American but that was what I was influenced on....

Can you imagine anymore? I was into a lot of 60's but i never imagine anything else... The Brit's Yardbirds and Cream or American's Buddy Holly and The Supreme...

Lemme know your favourite top-5 60-70's artists!!!

The damn video uploaded... finally!

2007-08-19T18:50:00.000+07:00

So finally i can upload my ski trip video to youtube...

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PunsT3R

And from now that would be my standard webpage for posting video on the web... It wasnt hard it just I never edit video before so it took time (i didnt mind really... today was just pouring with rain)

For now its just a vid of stacks we did at Perisher i hope the next time we would land some mad tricks n stuffs

Well thats it for now...

And im still waiting for you Hiroe-chan...

Days after...

2007-08-17T22:03:00.001+07:00

So wow that as i was saying before that it was a bit of hectic snow trip... It is as i said one of a lifetime trip to the snow with all my bros! It is one of those year that it just snow... And damn it is rightly so since it's been so damn cold in Sydney!

This is only the snow on Front Valley at Perisher and this is all pure snow without any of the snow gun firing so it has been a good year... That in photo is Kent, Me, and Duncan... Plenty of snow, plenty of bruises, and plenty of smiles. When i got the damn video on youtube then i guess everyone will see us making the fool outta ourselves lol!

I guess im gonna go a bit about my current state of mind... My singleton... I am confused and lost for thoughts when i think of you my darling Hiroe... Theres so much i want to say yet there is nothing much i can say... I wanna ring you and yet maybe i shouldnt... You are moving on and i am not... I didnt even drink that much because I realise that alcohol will not help... Im missing you so much... Only if i can change your mind...

For all those that try to help me on my feet i thank you all a millions... I hope i have the chance to return favour in some ways...

Im still struggling for words to explain why we fall apart... You're always in my mind even if we not there together...

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly...

2007-08-16T21:00:00.000+07:00

Winter always bring change in my life...

In this case, this August, is probably the most memorable for a number of various reasons. Firstly it is (finally!!) the last semester of Uni. I am highly stoked with that for, well, I am long overdue on the finishing line! Soon I will be able to support myself for real and not depending on parents... They have done enough already... Oh man i had been slacked and well now I can finally get off my arse...

Secondly I got the job line up, PR is gettin ready to be done, basically everything is set up for the real world. Not that i havnt got my feet wet before but this is the real thing. So future's looking quite good! Plus i was really happy that mom visit us and have a lot of talking.

Thirdly I had wicked snow trip with the boys! Kent, Duncan and I had probably the best time down at Perisher this 07 season. Hopefully i can upload damn video onto youtube soon so i can post it out on this blog. Oh its been years since we last hang out like that lol where is all the time gone? And it puts life back into each of us. I hope we are going to do this more often!

So that's the good... now the bad and the ugly....

My dearest love, Hiroe, why do you have to leave me... I love you so much and yet it's not enough... I stare blankly into space and you would be there but i truly realize you will not be there... I really shouldnt be so whiny about it for you are leaving me because you are doing what you think is a greater cause... I dunno if I have done enough when we were apart. Did i give you enough call? Did I care enough for you? Did i seem to be distanced myself from you? Or was it you that see that i am not up to your expectation? There are so many things that gone through my mind and i cannot seem to make any sense out of it...

I miss you a lot Hiroe. It was a wonderful time we had. But we had to move on with life. Things are not always as planned. I just wanna say thank you on this blog for sharing your life with me. Really words here cannot justify any of it.

Oh winter, winter, you given so much and yet you taken something from me again...

...so this is about?

2007-07-25T13:59:00.000+07:00

Ah as a late adopter of any new trend i decide to start blogging to see what is it that got people so addicted to this funny lil hobby... I personally dont write much, let alone type. Try keeping a diary of myself once or twice but fails miserably. I dont think im very opinionated about things in general so i dont voice too much concern over stuff that doesnt immediately concern me (e.g. environment, globalization, whale killing)... In fact i think im pretty passive about thing that a) doesnt harm me, b) doesnt harm people i love, and thats about it!

So what is this bloody blog?

Its just my foray into the blog culture. For me its just another Friendster, Hi5, MySpace, Facebook (or whatever the hell is fashionable on this repeated, copy-them-coz-it-worked social network website)... Plus hell i can complain way more and log it to see if i get grumpier as my body got saggier and head balder.

So yeh this is just about me, myself, and I, and loads of other issues i do not care to imagine off at the moment coz its cold and my head is in hibernate mode...

Thats it, first post yay!!